Breaking Free from Pornography Addiction, Part 2
5 practical strategies for managing porn use, plus a FREE bonus resource.
You hold the key to freedom. by rina - adobe.stock.com
If you haven’t already, check out Part 1 of the How To Break Free From Porn Addiction series.
What else can you do to keep yourself self from yourself?
Instant gratification can be a tough habit to break. It requires retraining the brain to value long-term gains more than immediate pleasures.
Building this muscle takes work and self-discipline. If it were easy, then we wouldn’t struggle or need help.
As we discussed in Part 1, an early step in recovery involves creating boundaries or barriers. After all, barriers are for protection. They keep us safe from potential threats and harm. Rather than acting totally impulsively, barriers slow us down and allow us to "stop and think" before acting on an urge. In this way, building barriers helps prevent relapse.
With this in mind, consider two types of barriers: internal barriers and external barriers.
Internal barriers come from within us. It includes things like our thoughts, beliefs and attitudes. These are the strategies we covered in Part 1.
External barriers come from outside of us. They are more environmental and situational. These are the strategies we are focusing on in this article, which is Part 2 of the series.
To review and clarify these concepts, let’s look at the example of applying them to alcoholism.
Think about someone in recovery from alcoholism. He or she is developing internal and external barriers that keep them from drinking.
One internal barrier could be recognizing their "stinkin' thinking" or the mental patterns that bring them back to drinking. Keeping alcohol out of the house could be an external barrier.
5 External Barriers for Breaking Porn Addiction
Unlike internal barriers, external barriers deal with more environmental factors. They're usually easier to implement and can be more practical.
#1 : Change the Scenery
Where are you physically located when you watch porn? What device(s) do you use?
Oftentimes, we develop rituals, habits, behaviors, and mental associations without even realizing it. There are certain activities, memories, and emotions we associate with certain environments.
That's one reason why working from home is difficult. Not only are there more distractions, but we think about work more often. Maybe we start associating random household objects with our jobs. You might see your coffee cup in the dishwasher and think about an e-mail to send.
Consider the habits, routines, or rituals you have around your porn use. What environmental factors have you associated with porn?
For example, if you frequently watch porn in the shower, just being in the bathroom can trigger an urge.
We can protect ourselves from these urges by implementing thoughtful changes to our routines and taking environmental factors into account.
In the example above, porn is associated with your bathroom. To solve this, you might want to stop taking your phone with you to the bathroom. Instead, you may develop a new habit of leaving it on the kitchen counter.
Consider the rituals you've built around porn. What type of associations have you built? What changes can you make to disrupt this pattern?
#2 : Use Protective Software
There are a variety of options and products for filtering content on your devices. The software is often referred to as "porn blockers," "web filters," or "parental controls."
The use of porn blocking software promotes accountability and creates a barrier between you and pornographic material.
This software can help prevent accidental exposure to sexual content and make it more difficult to act on urges to access porn.
To learn more about potential options, check out this article from Your Brain On Porn.
No option is foolproof. If you're really determined, you could find a way to get rid of the software and access porn.
Instead of thinking of software as a total solution, think of it as a component. It's one more external barrier to keep you away from porn. If nothing else, it'll slow you down. The extra time it takes for you to navigate this roadblock gives you a moment to realize what you’re doing and reconsider your decision.
#3 : Limit Internet Use
We generally need the Internet to access porn. But we also need the Internet for many other things.
Since most of us cannot eliminate the Internet altogether, we instead have to figure out a better way to manage it. One way to do this is to develop a personal plan for yourself. Consider creating rules to limit yourself.
For example, pornography is most often viewed late at night between 12 AM – 4 AM. So one rule could be not using the internet after midnight.
Other examples are:
Limit Internet use to only certain activities. For example, work-related stuff, banking, and bills.
Keep the phone outside the bedroom. If you rely on your phone to wake up in the morning, consider using an alarm clock instead.
No electronics after 10 PM. Close the laptop, put the phone away, and disconnect.
#4 : Rewire your Brain
How has porn impacted your life? What negative effects have you experienced? What regrets do you have about your relationship with pornography?
Write it down. Include all of the reasons you have for wanting to change this behavior.
In our brains, porn is strongly associated with instant gratification and pleasure. The desire for those positive feelings drives our urges and makes them harder to control.
Our brain may link porn to negative consequences on some level, but this connection is much weaker, if present at all. Part of rewiring the brain is training it to connect porn with its harmful effects.
Set aside time to reflect on the negative consequences you've experienced because of porn. Make a list and keep it somewhere you'll see it, maybe by your computer.
#5 : Avoid Porn Substitutes
If you struggle with porn, you may discover that many roads lead back to it. When we stop watching porn, the brain quickly finds ways to replace it. The term "porn substitute" refers to material that is not technically pornographic, but is still sexually arousing.
Common examples include:
Swimsuit advertisements
A sex scene in an R-rated movie
Instagram models
It's almost impossible to avoid sexually-related content in our culture. But if we find ourselves seeking it out, we can run into trouble.
Do you ever catch yourself repeatedly watching a certain scene from a regular TV show or movie? Is it because you find it sexually arousing? Are you using it as a replacement for internet pornography?
It’s common for this desire to resurface in other areas. Once we quit pornography, we may unconsciously seek it out in other forms. However, these seemingly unimportant decisions eventually catch up with us. We end up right back where we started, back into an out of control porn habit.
Instead of passively allowing your brain to trick you, take a moment to reflect on your behavior patterns. Write down all of your porn substitutes. Then, create an action plan on how you will address each one.
Bonus
Check out our FREE Internet Use Tracker
This tool is for self-monitoring, accountability, and gaining insight on internet behaviors. Here’s an example of how to use it for porn addiction.
The first step in making a change is building self-awareness. Tracking your internet use will give you valuable insight into your behavior patterns. With this data you can create a targeted action plan.
Summary
Building barriers creates distance between you and your porn addiction. Internal barriers relate to your inner world and strengthening your psyche, while external barriers target environmental factors.
The 5 internal barriers covered in part one were:
Break down excuses
Build up motivation
Develop new coping skills
Practice self-compassion
Ride the wave
In part two, we covered the following 5 external barriers:
Change the scenery
Use protective software
Limit internet use
Post reminders to rewire your brain
Create an action plan for avoiding porn substitutes
Bonus: FREE Internet Use Tracker, and sample.
Bonus: FREE 35-page workbook, “A Starting Point: Strategies for Overcoming Compulsive Sexual Behaviors - Pornography”
Interested in learning more? Reach out and let us know.
Are you tired of battling your porn addiction on your own? If you are feeling up to it and live in New York State, book your free 20-minute consultation with a professional.