Unresolved Childhood Trauma in Adults
Unresolved childhood trauma in adults covers a wide range of events that may have occurred during childhood. It refers to experiences that caused significant emotional distress as a child and carried long-lasting effects in adulthood.
Trauma is any distressing event that
Overwhelms the nervous system, and
Falls outside the range of typical human experiences.
What is Childhood Trauma?
When a child or adolescent feels threatened by an event going on in their environment, we consider that event a trauma. Trauma can show up in a variety of ways and contexts. One way to differentiate between types of trauma is by sorting them into two categories: big “T” Traumas and little “t” traumas.
Big “T” Trauma
The term big “T” trauma, refers to major, often life-threatening event. For example:
Serious injury
Sexual assault or violence
Combat
Terrorist attack
Natural disaster
Big “T” traumas are usually easy to identify. They are known for the profound sense of powerlessness, loss of control, and helplessness. Psychological effects from big “T” traumas typically manifest as classic post-traumatic stress disorder (ptsd) symptoms.
Little “t” Trauma
Little “t” trauma, or developmental trauma, refer to repeated experiences of highly distressing events that are not life-threatening. These events often involve a real or perceived threat to physical or emotional safety. It mostly occurs with parents or caregivers during childhood and leads to attachment-related problems in adulthood.
For example, consider parental figures who…
Were unreliable.
Appeared emotionally detached or unresponsive.
Invalidated the child’s emotions.
Discouraged self-expression.
Engaged in gaslighting, name calling, yelling or other types of manipulative or abusive behaviors.
Other examples of little “t” traumas are:
Bullying
Rejections from friends or peers
Loss of a pet
In adulthood, unresolved developmental trauma may manifest as a chronic sense of hopelessness, disconnection, and feeling stuck. It is often associated with complex post traumatic stress disorder (c-ptsd).
What Events Are Considered Childhood Trauma?
Both big “T” and little “t” trauma events can occur during childhood. Sometimes, these events even happen at the same time. The effect of these traumas can vary from person to person. When a child also has positive experiences during their development, the negative effects of adversity can be mitigated. Some examples of positive childhood experiences are:
Consistently having someone to confide in, being able to talk to someone and feel seen, heard and understood.
Unconditional support, believing family will be there even when times are hard.
Community involvement, participating in activities, traditions and events.
An accepting and supportive friend group.
Feeling safe and protected by an adult in the home.
Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) Study
The adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) study is one of best known, largest bodies of research linking childhood trauma to negative health outcomes in adulthood. ACEs covers various forms of abuse, neglect and household dysfunction. ACE events are strongly supported by research, and will be marked with an asterisk (*) in the examples below.
Childhood Emotional Abuse
Childhood emotional or psychological abuse refers to a pattern of behavior that damages a child’s sense of self-worth. These instances typically occur often and involve the parent, caregiver or other adult in the home. Common examples include:
Constant criticism
Poor boundaries
Lack of positive parent interactions (e.g. warmth, praise, and responsiveness)
Swearing *
Insulting *
Humiliation *
Actions that trigger fear of physical harm *
Childhood Physical Abuse
Childhood physical abuse means that a parent, caregiver or other adult in the home engaged in an act to intentionally and deliberately inflict physical harm to a child. Common examples include:
Pushing *
Grabbing *
Slapping *
Throwing objects *
Being hit so hard that you had marks or were injured *
Childhood Sexual Abuse
Childhood sexual abuse occurs when an adult or anyone at least 5 years older than the child inflicts sexual contact. It includes any instance of inappropriate sexual behavior, even if it only occurred on one occasion. Examples include, instances when anyone at least 5 years older than the child:
Touched the child in a sexual way *
Has the child touch the body of anyone in a sexual way *
Any attempts to sexualize the child or have sexual contact with the child *
Childhood sexual abuse also includes situations where a minor is sexually exploited. This often occurs via the Internet.
Online sexual exploitation and abuse
Sextortion
Childhood Emotional Neglect
Childhood emotional neglect occurs when a parent or caregiver fails to respond appropriately to the child’s emotional and developmental needs. These events occur frequently, and often persist throughout the child’s development. Some examples include:
Withholding of affection
Allowing problematic behavior to continue without intervening.
Feeling unloved by family *
No one in the family treating the child as if they were important or special *
Family not looking out for one another *
Lack of closeness or support within the family *
Childhood Neglect
Childhood neglect occurs when the child’s basic needs (e.g. food, shelter, clothing, and hygiene) are not met. These events occur frequently, and often persist throughout the child’s development. Some examples include:
Excessive absences from school
Lack of supervision
Not having enough to eat *
Having to wear dirty clothes *
Not having anyone to rely on for protection *
Not receiving medical attention, when needed *
Domestic Violence
Domestic violence occurs when parents, caregivers, or other adults in the home engage in acts of aggression against each other. These occurrences can range in frequency and severity of violence. Some examples include:
Often or frequently…
Pushing *
Grabbing *
Slapping *
Objects being thrown *
Sometimes or often…
Kicking *
Biting *
Hit with fists *
Hit with hard objects *
Ever, even just one time…
Repeatedly hit over and over again for at least a few minutes *
Threats involving a gun or knife *
Mental Illness
Mental health issues are broadly defined as illnesses negatively impacting cognition, emotion, behavior, and social interactions. These illnesses range in severity of symptoms and impairments to functioning. Mental health conditions can be acute, episodic or chronic. Growing up in an environment where a parent, caregiver, or anyone else in the home struggles with mental health issues, can impact a child’s development with long lasting effects. Some examples of mental illness to consider are:
Psychiatric hospitalizations
Suicide attempts
Major depressive disorder
Severe mental illness (e.g. bipolar or schizophrenia)
Untreated personality disorder (e.g. borderline, narcissism, histrionic, antisocial)
Addiction
Addiction typically involves an activity or substance that provides instant gratification or relief, followed by a negative outcome (e.g. financial loss, health problems, relationship conflict, and job loss). Engaging in these activities is considered problematic when a person continues to do it, despite experiencing negative consequences. For example, continuing to spend excessive money on shopping or gambling, despite being behind on rent payments.
Substance Abuse:
Problems with alcohol *
Drug use in the home *
Abuse of prescription drugs *
Behavioral Addictions:
Gambling
Sex
Shopping
Loss
Traumatic grief occurs when a child has a hard time adjusting after a loss. The prolonged grief makes it difficult for the child to fully participate in everyday activities. Some examples of loss are:
Abandonment
Sudden, unexplained separation
Death
Separation or divorce *
Parent incarceration *
Bullying
Bullying occurs when a child is repeatedly targeted and victimized by peers. The amount of harm can vary based on the frequency, severity, pervasiveness, and power dynamics involved. Some examples of bullying are:
Physical acts of aggression, such as fighting, hitting, and tripping.
Verbally abusive behaviors, such as intimidation, humiliation, and ridicule.
Social aggression, such as gossip, ostracism, and rumor spreading.
Cyberbullying, such as posting hurtful comments or images on social media.
Community Violence
Community violence occurs when a child is exposed to intentional acts of aggression by witnessing these events in public spaces. Children growing up in these environments often experience higher levels of fear and alertness to any perceived threats. Some examples of community violence are:
War
Terrorism
Gang activity
Assaults
Robberies
Long Term Effects of Unresolved Childhood Trauma
When trauma is not adequately addressed during childhood, the child learns to deal with the pain on their own. Children are adaptive and resilient, so they figure out a way to survive and function even with their limited skill set. For example, a child may learn to hide their emotions by shutting down and withdrawing. They might become hyperaware of the emotional states of those around them and adjust their behavior accordingly. These learned adaptions tend to work well during childhood and adolescence, but become less helpful in adulthood.
Unresolved Childhood Trauma & Brain Development
Experiencing trauma during critical periods of development changes the wiring of the brain. Stress causes a release of cortisol and adrenaline. Repeated or long lasting exposure to these hormones during childhood or adolescence, can impair social, emotional and cognitive development. The ACE research showed a strong relationship between childhood trauma events experienced and negative outcomes in adulthood.
Unresolved Childhood Trauma & Emotions
Adults with unresolved childhood trauma often have a hard time regulating their emotions. Some signs of emotional dysregulation are:
Moodiness, high highs and low lows.
Emotional reactions that are not appropriate for the situation.
Difficulty identifying emotions and expressing them.
Easily overwhelmed by routine stressors.
Develop depression and anxiety from internalizing stress.
Develop anger problems from externalizing stress.
Having a hard time calming down, or needing a longer recovery period.
Emotional numbness, not feeling much of anything.
Unresolved Childhood Trauma in the Body
Growing up in a stressful environment can negatively impact brain development and disrupt the nervous system. Overtime, the unresolved trauma takes its toll on the body. Some examples of this include:
Chronic physical health conditions.
Chronic unexplainable aches and pains.
Somatic symptoms, such as stress headaches.
Disconnect between mind and body, being unaware of physical pain or sensations.
Over-responding to stimuli, such as being easily startled, and being highly sensitive to loud noises and/or physical touch.
Trouble falling asleep or staying asleep
Nightmares or night terrors
Chronic fatigue, low energy
Unresolved Childhood Trauma in the Mind
When a child grows up in an unsafe environment their mind develops in survival mode. Focus is directed towards navigating immediate stressors, danger, and chaos. So they become highly skilled in this area. As adults, they’re often praised for their ability to stay calm and clear-headed during a crisis. However, functioning in low-stress situations can be significantly impaired, as these skills are often underdeveloped.
Signs of trauma-related cognitive issues in adults are:
Significant challenges with planning ahead and visualizing the future.
Trouble problem-solving minor obstacles.
Challenges coming up with multiple possible solutions for a problem, or brainstorming.
Difficulties with concentration, focus, and managing distractions.
Trauma also influences the way the child sees themselves, others, and the world. Traumatic life experiences, especially repeated ones, can alter the child’s fundamental belief system.
Signs of trauma-related thinking patterns and belief systems in adults may include:
Distorted perception of dangerousness, may overestimate or underestimate risk.
A core belief that others cannot be trusted.
Perceiving life to be completely unpredictable.
Distorted view about the self as being defective, incompetent, and/or unlovable.
Chronic low self-esteem.
Memories of unresolved childhood trauma can pop up unexpectedly during adulthood. These intrusive thoughts can cause significant emotional distress, confusion, and interfere with daily life. Signs of intrusive trauma symptoms include:
Unwanted thoughts or memories about the traumatic event.
Reminders of the past trauma coming up unexpectedly, triggering distress.
Triggers can also be connected to a time of year, such as particular seasons, anniversaries, birthdays, or holidays.
Flashbacks, or experiences of reliving the traumatic event as if it were happening in the present.
Dissociation, or detaching the mind from the body. This can feel like:
An altered state of being, where reality doesn’t seem real.
Watching yourself from outside of your body.
Observing your life as if you were watching someone else.
Losing track of time or spacing out.
Unresolved Childhood Trauma in Actions
The more we use a coping skill, the stronger it becomes. As children, our ability to cope with distress is extremely limited. With the brain still developing, our early coping strategies are immature by nature. Consider an infant, who is completely limited in mobility, powerless over their environment, and fully dependent on a caregiver. What options do they have when they encounter trauma? With these physical limitations, the only option left is to mentally escape. The more a child mentally escapes, or dissociates, the stronger that ability becomes. Overtime, dissociating may become an automatic response to even minor stressors. Trauma-related coping mechanisms seen in our behaviors as adults are:
Engaging in high-risk behaviors to self-soothe or distract, especially substance abuse.
Impulsive and compulsive behaviors, such as sex, gambling, and shopping.
Reenacting trauma, an unconscious phenomenon where we create conditions to replay a traumatic event hoping to somehow change the outcome or break the cycle.
Self-harm or self-injury.
Unresolved Childhood Trauma & Relationships
Our model for relationships is based on our early attachments to caregivers. If a parent was unpredictable, unstable, abusive or neglectful, then the child learns that others cannot help them. They come to believe that they are on their own in a dangerous world. Additional examples of unhealthy relationship beliefs that develop in this environment are:
“I’m always wrong, my partner is always right.”
“I have to hide my true thoughts and feelings about things.”
“I cannot exist without my partner, I need this person to survive.”
“Everyone else’s needs come first; mine are last.”
“I bring no value to my relationships.”
Trauma-related relationship beliefs can make it difficult to form healthy bonds with others. This dynamic can create all sorts of relationship problems in adulthood, including:
Difficulty maintaining healthy relationships
Unrealistic expectations of others
Patterns of idealization and devaluation
Chronic issues in the workplace
Distrust of authority figures
Unresolved Childhood Trauma & Physical Health
The ACE study showed a strong relationship between experiencing traumatic events during childhood and significant health problems in adulthood. Trauma exposure increases likelihood of developing maladaptive ways to cope. This often looks like engaging in high-risk behavior that provides instant gratification or relief, but has long-term negative health effects. According to the ACE study, childhood trauma exposure increases risk for developing the following health conditions:
Severe obesity
Diabetes
Heart disease
Cancer
Stroke
Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD)
Kidney disease
Treatment for Unresolved Childhood Trauma in Adults
Trauma treatment is a specialized approach to therapy that considers the complexity of childhood trauma and the different ways it can cause problems for us in adulthood. Given that trauma is so closely tied to powerless, every aspect of treatment is geared towards protecting your emotional safety and empowering you. With that in mind, our therapeutic approach is grounded in principles that form the acronym S*A*F*E*T*Y.
S is for Safe
Safety starts with a warm, welcoming and peaceful therapeutic environment.
Throughout therapy, we move at a pace that’s comfortable with you and check-in often. The goal is to create an atmosphere that encourages honesty, commitment, and healing.
Safety also means breaking out of self-destructive cycles.
Neglecting personal needs is a sign of being stuck in a trauma loop. This deeply ingrained pattern of being and acting can be hard to overcome on your own. By learning to let go of unhelpful behaviors, you can free yourself from your past trauma on a deep emotional level.
Safety includes practical strategies
Trauma therapy focuses on developing practical strategies for prioritizing your needs, gaining control over intense emotional states and other trauma responses. You will learn different techniques for managing the stressors coming up in your life. Such as,
Using grounding techniques to reconnect with the present moment when intrusive trauma symptoms occur.
Setting boundaries and learning to say “no” to protect yourself in your relationships.
Practicing self-compassion and treating yourself with respect and care.
A is for Autonomy
Autonomy means control, choice, and voice.
Trauma triggers feelings of powerlessness, being trapped, controlled and silenced. Trauma therapy encourages the exact opposite. A major component of therapy is learning to listen to your needs and express them with ease. This can be a rocky process, as these skills take time to develop. Therapy is a safe place to practice. We want to hear you, understand you, and honor your perspective.
Autonomy requires informed consent.
How can you make a decision about therapy, if you don’t know what you’re signing up for? When you meet with us, we give you an overview of what to expect in working with us. This includes reviewing treatment options and providing resources when appropriate. We will remind you of your rights and responsibilities, while encouraging you to ask questions and express concerns.
F is for Flexibility
Flexibility means working together to achieve goals.
Therapy is hard work all on it’s own. Trauma therapy takes these challenges to another level. Everything about it is more intense - the discomfort, the emotional exhaustion, the growing pains. We will check-in with you, and ask about how you’ve been feeling and coping with these challenges. Treatment is most effective when you give us your honest feedback. This allows us to make appropriate adjustments to best meet your individualized needs.
Flexibility often requires patience.
Life can be unpredictable. Different events and stressors come up sometimes. We try to be as consistent as possible. Yet, there will be times when we need to cancel appointments and reschedule. We expect you will too. As long as we communicate and respect one another’s time, we can problem-solve together.
Flexibility means opening up the mind to new neural pathways.
Childhood trauma strengthens the survival mode mindset. We learn to perform well under pressure. We can come up with quick, creative and effective short-term solutions. Living day-by-day comes naturally, but planning for the long-term and recognizing options can be more challenging. Trauma therapy is sensitive to this struggle. We focus on playing on your strengths, while also building up these more underdeveloped cognitive skills.
Flexibility in mindset also helps with extreme thinking.
Trauma can lead to rigid thinking patterns, such as “all or nothing” and “black and white” thinking. For example, “If I’m not perfect, then I am a failure.” This type of thinking also contributes to intense emotional states, such as hopelessness and overwhelm. In trauma therapy, we work towards opening the mind up to see the gray areas. Flexibility in thought allows us to access alternative perspective, find creative solutions, and regulate emotions effectively.
E is for Empowerment
Quieting your inner critic.
Typically our internal dialogue mimics the voices we hear as children. Adults with unresolved childhood trauma often have an overpowering negative inner voice. This can sound like, “you’re not good enough,” “you can’t do anything right,” or “you’re lazy.” Constantly battling criticism becomes exhausting. When we believe that nothing we do is good enough it’s hard to stay motivated and take care of ourselves. In trauma therapy, we use compassion to empower you. With time you begin to internalize this compassionate voice, which silences the inner critic.
Recognizing your strengths, talents, and abilities.
Adults with unresolved childhood trauma are often very hard on themselves. There is a bias towards highlighting any real or perceived weaknesses, failures, and shortcomings. Any possible strengths, talents, and achievements are minimized or dismissed. Trauma therapy recognizes these distortions in self-assessment. We can often identify strengths in your character that you may have overlooked. Trauma therapy builds off your strengths, empowering you to use these abilities to navigate life’s challenges.
T is for Trust
Trust in yourself.
Experiencing trauma alters our sense of trust. Internally this can look like self-doubt, anxiety, and reliance on others for reassurance or guidance. Childhood trauma causes confusion around dangerousness and safety. Situations that are actually dangerous can feel normal or even comfortable. Part of trauma therapy is exploring signs of danger and safety, as well as creating a safety plan. Strengthening these skills is a critical part of learning to trust your own judgement.
Trust in relationships.
Betrayal creates distrust. Processing the many betrayals associated with childhood trauma is part of healing. Still, learning to trust others again takes time. Our beliefs are based on our experiences. Trauma-related relationship beliefs were necessary when they were created, but are no longer helpful. Carrying these beliefs into adult relationships creates conflict. Part of trauma therapy is exploring healthy and unhealthy relationship beliefs.
Y is for Yours
Taking good care of yourself.
Self-neglect is a trauma response and the longer it goes on the more ingrained it becomes. Adults with unresolved childhood trauma often struggle with self-care. Messages such as, “you just need to take better care of yourself,” “exercise more,” and “do something nice for yourself,” can be frustrating and unhelpful even when well-intentioned. Trauma therapy focuses on exploring emotional blocks contributing to self-neglect as well as overcoming practical obstacles to self-care.
Your wants, needs, hopes and dreams.
Adults with unresolved childhood trauma often feel disconnected from themselves. Detaching from physical and emotional pain becomes a habit. Attention is directed towards being resourceful and adaptive, rather than building a personal identity. Trauma therapy provides a safe space to reconnect with yourself, listen to your body, and trust your intuition. Your true wants, needs, hopes and dreams are inside of you. Therapy works towards removing the barriers that block you from seeing these parts of yourself. Accessing your true self allows you to live more authentically, and enjoy life more.
Your therapy, life, and personal journey.
We believe you are the expert on you. Only you know what the best decision is for yourself. We are here to walk along side you on your journey, providing support as you navigate life’s stressors and guidance on overcoming psychological barriers. But what you get out of therapy largely depends on what you’re willing to put into it. While we cannot do the work for you, we will help you along the way. Part of helping is accountability. Taking ownership over our own lives is an ongoing process that is both challenging and empowering.
While adults with unresolved childhood trauma tend to struggle with a similar set of core issues, each person’s experience is a bit different. We treat every client as a unique individual and adjust therapeutic approaches to meet their specific needs. If you would like to learn more about our services, please reach out to us. We would love to hear from you!